September 7, 2003

  • Well, if you've cared enough to read my Xanga then you've noticed for the past few days I've been all sad and depressed and complaining about happiness... But it seems that God is so real and loving and listening that he opened my eyes and answered my prayers in todays devotions. So anyways, I'll type the entire thing up on my Xanga site, cuz you guys are worth it. (sorry for the typos)

    ***"           Down In My Heart

    Rachel Ellis read the paragraph from her history book for the third time, but she knew the information wasn't sinking in. The loud music from her brother's room next door was breaking her concentration. My friends have older brothers who crank up their D.C. Talk tapes, she thought, but not me. I have to contend with a five-year-old who likes to listen to his Kids' Praise! tapes at full volume. Rachel pushed back her chair and headed for Danny's room. As she opened the door she was met with the chorus of "Jesus Loves Me." Danny was singing along at the top of his lungs while he pushed his Matchbox race car around obstacles he'd set up all over the floor. "Hey you! Al Unser Jr.!" Rachel yelled. "There are people in this house who are trying to study." Danny hopped up and turned down the child's tape player that sat on his dressser. "Sorry Rach," he said. "I like it that way." "Well, I've got a test tomorrow," Rachel told him, "and I cant concentrate with your music so loud. Can you keep it down to a dull roar?" Danny nodded. Rachel returned to her history book and continued reading. A half-hour later she realized that Danny's loud music hasn't been the only thing breaking her conecentration. She'd finished the entire chapter and she couldnt remember a thing she'd read. Her mind was already full- of everything but history. Rachel couldn't remember when her life had been this busy. There was school, homework, and soccer practice. She had student senate meetings to run, her work on the decorating committee for the spring dance, and the youth group retreat to help plan. None of this left much time for her helping out at home and spending time with her friends, but she tried to fit that in anyway. It seem like every minute of her day was accounted for before she even got out of bed. Rachel sighed and closed her eyes to give them a rest. She was already tierd, and she hadn't even scratched the surface of what she needed to cover for the test. Lord, she prayed, help me do ok on my history test tomorrow. Rachel knew God had heard her prayer, but she had to admit she doubted its effectiveness. After all, she really hadn't done her part in preparing for this test. What did she expect? A mericle grade? Rachel saw that as her list of school activites lengthened, her time for Bible reading and prayer shortened. Too often her prayers were reduced to ones like her desperate plea for a good grade on her history test. She heard Danny's door open. The strains of "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart" floated down the hallway along with Danny's joyful accompaniment. What's your joy Rachel? The Lord seemed to whisper. Rachel sat there. I don't know, she answered truthfully. She turned back to her history book, but the thought kept interrupting. Where did my joy go, she wondered, and how do I get it back? When she finally finished studying and turned off her light that night, neither of her questions had been answered. The next morning Rachel hit the floor at a run. After a quick shower and a cup of juice, she raced upstairs to look over her history notes. She was so absorbed in her reading that she almost didn't hear her mom call the bus was coming down the street. At school, her first two classes sailed by, then it was time for her history test. When it was over, Rachel wasn't sure if she'd passed. Where's your joy, Rachel? she heard in her ear as she headed for forth bell. I think I lost what little I had in history class, Lord, Rachel answered. Thoughout the rest of the day, RAchel heard God's wispered question over and over. She heard it as she moped when the dance committee vetoed her idea for using springtime flowers and voted for a trendy black-and-white theme for the decorations instead. She heard it at soccer practice when she felt like a failure because she couldn't block any of the goals kicked her way. She heard it as she walked in the fornt door at home and was greeted by the smell of cooked gabbage- her dad's favorite dish, but one she loathed. Where's your joy, Rachel? As she headed for her room, her mom's voice called behind her, "Rachel, check Danny for me. He was sent home from school with a fever. I want to know how he's feeling now." "Sure, Mom." Rachel opened her brother's door. "Hi, Rach" Danny said. "did you come to visit me?" "Sure did, buddy." Rachel walked over to Danny's tape player and turned it down. Dosn't this kid own any other tapes? she wondered as the familiar Kid's Praise! songs played on. "Mom says you're not feeling well." Danny shook his head. "My head hurts, and sometimes I feel like I might throw up. But not now," he reassured his sister. Rachel felt Danny's forhead and hand. He had a fever all right. "Will you find my bear for me, Rachel?" As Rachel searched the closet, she heard Danny begin to sing softly with his tape. "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart..." "I found him, Danny," Rachel said as she pulled her brother's battered teddy bear from the bottom of the closet. She tucked the covers aroudn the two of them and gave her brother a quick kiss on the forhead. She knew he'd be asleep within minutes. Rachel went downstairs to update her mom and then headed for her room. Where's your joy, Rachel? She heard for the final time as she sat on her bed. She kenw now she had an answer. As she watched Danny she realized that even though he was sick, his joy just seemed to spill out of him. Hers though depended solely on the circumstances in her life. Having too much to do, being out vetoed by the dance committee, knowing she was going to eat cabbage for dinner- all those had made for a pretty rotten day. Yet when things were going well, she was happy. In fact, it was easy to praise God when things were good. When they weren't- now that was a different matter. Rachel knew she had a choice to make- one she'd have to make over and over. She could either choose to be joyful, to look on life's bright side, or she could go through life with a perpetual cloud over her head.

                          ***

    Joy is different then happiness. You may feel happy one day and down the next. Joy is more then just a state of being. It comes from the knowledge that God loves us, is in control of our lives, and genuinely wants the very best for us.

    "You make our hearts glad because we trust you, the only God"   Psalm 33:21 CEV                  "***

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