February 17, 2011

  • I had a dream last night. Actually, I had several dreams, as we often do, but this one in particular was especially vivid. I was visiting a church with some friends. It was a church that I had not recognized, and my companions did not seem familiar with either. Someone came out to greet us. It was her. Grace came out to welcome us in her nonchalant attitude that I'm most familiar with. She looked especially cute wearing a dark shaded summer dress. I was completely awestruck as we followed her into the sanctuary. I no longer remember the names of my companions or what the sanctuary looked like, because as soon as I saw Grace, all these other details seemed to fade away in the distance, like painting a vividly colored flower onto a gray landscape. To be honest, Grace always had such a sublime effect on me, even in reality. But there was something different about my shock of seeing her; I knew that it wasn't possible, because she had passed away over a year ago. I knew that I was dreaming. Upon realizing that, my experience of the dream shifted from one where I was a character in the dream to one who was merely observing the events unfold, like Ebenezer Scrooge being shown scenes by the Ghost of Christmas Past. Unable to interact and never having been seen or acknowledged by Grace, I continued observing. I noticed that this Grace appeared a bit younger than the one I knew, maybe 15 or 16 years old. I later learned that it was in fact the past, before I had met her. I remember learning several other things too which felt like they were important. Unable to shake my logical mind in an alogical dream world, I remember thinking that since it was a dream I should try and remember everything so I could try to verify it after I woke up. Unfortunately, I don't remember anything.

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    What does this mean? I have no idea. I'm sure Freud would have a field day on this. Maybe my rational mind is struggling to let go while in conflict with my unconscious mind, which wants to see her and is fighting to keep her alive. Maybe I simply miss her from time to time. Or maybe it's nothing as complicated as any of these, as dreams usually don't have any meaning or reason behind them at all.