September 25, 2011

• So yesterday I was walking around the RC with guitar in hand, looking for a place to pray and do my devotionals, when I noticed one of my classmates crying on the phone. Later that night as I was about to fall asleep, I remembered her. Filled with concern and compassion for my classmate, I forced myself out of bed and went to see if she was OK. We ended up going to one of the lounges and talked for a while, and I was relieved to see that she seemed to be doing better. Later on, a few other classmates came into the lounge. One of them made an awkward/teasing joke. I was trying to think of of a witty, "well played" way to diffuse the awkwardness, but unfortunately, I'm not that quick on my feet. Before I could respond, the classmate whom I've been talking with made a comment that spared herself by shooting my worth and image to the dirt.
  *sigh*
  Will this be the continued story of my life? I'll continue to expend myself for others, while people will only think of sparing themselves at my expense.

  Today I asked one of my classmates for help in anatomy. It's not easy asking for help, and even harder when that request is ignored. I thought I saw something in her- that not only is she intelligent and hardworking, but also innocent, gracious, confident, relentlessly caring, and so much more than meets the eye. Can I bare to continue to believe in people, even when my heart is filled with disappointment? With all of my closest friends, I see their unique strength, glory, and beauty. I make a conscious effort to draw out these admirable qualities more and to encourage them with it. I want to encourage them towards becoming the wonderful men and women I believe they were meant to be.
  *sigh*
  But it doesn't always work out that way. In the past, my intentions have sometimes been misunderstood. And of course, I'm not perfect either. Like I mentioned before, I can also get disappointed and discouraged.

  I will continue to care about and believe in people. Compassion that is conditional is not reassuring at all, and putting a limit on how much you believe in someone shows that you never believed in them in the first place.
  ...it's just... really hard sometimes, that's all. 

  • 3:27 pm
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