*cross out*

Saturday, March 1, 2008

I was so patheticly unproductive today... I just slept a lot and had several failed attempts to read. Evening came, and TJ came to pick me up to chill for my birthday. We went to Ted's and watched Spiderwick Chronicles. It was kinda pricy, but the food at Ted's was pretty good. We got to talk a lot more and I learned more about her past and her family. We were parked outside my place and were talking when my mom pulled up. I was pretty sure she saw us and I really didn't want her to think that I'm dating anyone, so I was like crap... We ended up going to Denny's to chill for a bit, so that maybe there would be a chance that she wouldn't think it was me. Now that I think about it in retrospect, it's not very logical. Oh well.

"Was it all just a dream? Or maybe a vision?... No, it was real..."

She was someone special to me... She had the sweetest voice, and when she sang, it was beautiful. She would sing me to sleep at night... and in the morning, she would bring me breakfast. She took my hand... looked at me and smiled... When I was with her, I felt an unfamiliar feeling... I felt... happiness...

*sigh*

I should be too old, too "mature" (or at least too prideful), and too wise to be so sentimental. But strangely sometimes I do miss those sappy, emo, drama-saturated teenage years. Sometimes I have relapses.
Maybe....
              ....someday we'll write a "teen" love story with a happy ending.

*cross out*

Friday, February 29, 2008

Today Maggie drove into the city so we could grab lunch together. We've hung out together a lot in the group, and I'm glad to have gotten a chance to get to know her more today. I sense that she's a sweet girl who is resiliant, strong, amiable, open minded, and somewhat happy-go-lucky. Anyways, it was great talking and getting to know her more; so much so that the time just flew by and I almost missed my meeting with my supervisors at the Counseling Center that I volunteer at. I had a flat tire too, but Maggie generously drove me to my meeting, waited for me to finish, then came back and took me back to my car. I had a fun time changing a flat tire for the first time... It was like, initiation into something that any straight man should be able to accomplish. I told her Maggie that she was witnessing something beautiful. 

After changing my spare tire, I hurried back to school to meet up with Nina, who wanted to take me out to Applebee's for my birthday. It turns out it took a lot longer to get there, and we got semi-lost on the way back. Still, I appreciate that she chose Applebee's because that's what she thought I wanted, and that she's probably going to be one of the few if not only friend who remembered my birthday and did something for me. I ended up being a bit late for Man Night, but it's all good.

I’m so exhausted… yet, strangely satisfied. Yesterday I worked out and lifted a whole lot. Today I played about 8 games of basketball, or probably around 6 hours.
While I was playing, I think someone stole my basketball. I’m really sad about that… not just because it cost $50, but because I really treasured that ball. I looked everywhere for it and checked every ball on the courts but didn’t find it. It’s ironic that today’s large group message was about God’s justice and love, and what that means for us; although I’m tempted to repay evil with evil, I know that God is the only one who is righteous enough to judge, and so instead I should leave things up to him and strive to be more loving. I think if I were to get another basketball, in addition to writing my name in huge letters across the ball like I did with my first one, I’ll also write “God loves you!” and “Jesus died for you!” somewhere on it. I figured whoever would steal a ball like that would really need to know that. Hopefully, of course, no one would steal it; in which case it could be a good way to start conversations with the people that I ball with.

Hmm… what else… Oh yeah, I ran into Kathy at the gym today. It’s been so long… but it hasn’t changed.
Have you ever met people whom your heart just goes out to them? There have been many people like that for me. It’s a strange feeling; like my heart is burdened for them but not, with an overwhelming sense of compassion for them. Or more like, I just want to know that person and be a part of their life, and I want to be a blessing to them in any way that I can.

Hmm.. that’s all I got. Man, this journal entry uncomfortably resembles a girly diary.

"Was it all just a dream? Or maybe a vision?... No, it was real..."

     -Escaflowne

calloused and bruised...
...dazed and confused...

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Very well then... I will be your...

                .......tutor, servant, slave....

"I have become all things to all men so that by all possiable means I might save some."    1 Corinthians 9:22

Today I tried doing something I had never done before- I attempted to wake up and get ready at a time that would get me to church earlier than right when it starts. I thought it’d be nice to get to New Community early so that I wouldn’t have to park far and to just spend like half an hour in prayer and reflection before service. I gave Doza and his Muslim roommate Saied a ride as well. After a powerful and moving reminder of the gospel message from Pastor Peter, the three of us went to grab lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Afterwards, me and Doza chilled at his condo for a bit before going to Caribou to talk. We stayed there a while… I think I got a cup of iced tea with free refills, and I got about 6 cups. We talked at Caribou until around 6PM, when we went to Joy Yee’s for dinner and more talking. After a few more hours there, we went back to hang out at Doza’s condo for awhile. By then I had noticed a marked difference in his energy and cognitive abilities. I think by the time I started to head home we had learned a lot about ourselves and each other- like the how it really begins to ware him out after spending expended times with someone because he needs down time, while I have higher “endurance” as he called it, and I remain relatively excited, engaged, and focused. Although I don’t plan on putting my poor friend (or any of my more introverted friends) through this again too often, today was definitely a blessed time where we became closer friends, fellowshipped, sharpened each other, edified each other, and prayed together.

Halleluiah*  

*Halleluiah= Thank God!  ^_^v    (hallelu- “praise” in Hebrew  yah- short for YHWH (pronounced yah*weh) or “I AM” a.k.a. God in Hebrew)

Man I'm so sick right now. I feel like total crap. My head hurts and feels dizzy and faint if I even walk around. I have to get up really slow or it'll feel like I'll pass out. My whole body is weak. My throat and nose are killing me.

Ehh... At least I got sick after my tests yesterday.

You've changed so much. You're so much more studious and determined now. You're focused and you have a foundation... I'm so happy for you. I hope that you will succeed- I belive you can do it.

I'm changing too... I'm becomming more focused on school as well. Although... not as fiercely as you are. haha...