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LuvKevi4EvEr
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Name: Kevin, Kevi, Kevon
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 3/3/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: basketball, praising God, playing guitar, singing, journaling, weight lifting, writing poetry, meaningful conversations, you... = )
Expertise: awkward moments
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
AIM:  RanCor161314
Jabber: KKuo3@uic.edu
Member Since:
9/6/2003
 Lifetime
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| Andrew and I started studying together to keep each other focused. Me: "If you finish the chapter in the next hour, I'll buy you a McFlurry"
Andrew: "Aww, really?! Wow, that's incentive! Thanks! Hey, if you finish your flash cards in an hour, I'll buy you a McFlurry" 10 minutes later... Andrew: "Hey... so what if we both reach our goals?"
Me: "Then I'll buy you a McFlurry and you can buy me a McFlurry"
Andrew: "Hmm... well, what if you want a small and I want a large? Just to let you know, I think I'm craving a large."
Me: "Keep distracting yourself and it won't matter what you want  " | | |
| Imagine if you had amnesia for a few months. There are enough clues left over from your life to help you living life the way you used to, at least on the outside. But really, on the inside, you've forgotten who you are. You know you're lost; you know you were a much greater person. You try hard to keep up with living the life that you used to live, but it's draining you because you're not that person anymore. Then, one day, you wake up from the amnesia.
I just remembered who I am.
Identity. No matter where I go in life, what I do, or who I meet, I must never forget the foundation of all that I am. If I do, if I misplace my identity, then my life will be an empty shadow.
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| I miss you so much Grace, and it hurts that you're gone. I don't even know why I'm writing this note in second person, almost as if I'm hoping that you could read this, even though I know you never will.... (more sadness). I went home-home home this weekend, so I had the opportunity to dig through my box-of-lucky-special-things for the card you gave me last Christmas. The sadness and irony of your first words tore my heart:
"Well- another year has passed in our relationship (or lack there of) and we're still alive... by the grace of God."
It's almost prophetic, the words we spoke to each other before you left. It was almost as if, like your father said, you knew that time on Earth was short. You were trying to teach me that life is precious, and that we have so much to thank God for (life) even when we feel like complaining. I always took life for granted; mine, yours... If I had listened to you then, maybe I wouldn't be struggling so hard to learn this now that you're gone. But I thank you for the words that you left me, and I thank you so so much for giving me closure before you left. It was one heck of a ride, but I'm glad I got to know you. You have truly touched my life, and even now, you continue to challenge (and rebuke) me.  | | |
| I ran into the intensive care unit, my heart pounding and my mind swirling, not knowing what to expect. There were a lot of people there earlier, but it was 3 AM Monday morning then and most people had gone home. Your parents were resting in the other room, but Becky, Jane, and your sister Sunny were there by your side. They invited me to pray for you or talk to you if I wanted to. Emotions choked back any words I might have said. I didn't know what to say; I never did, even when you were awake. It was always the same- so many indescribable feelings, you always had me at a loss for words. Watching you lying there, with tubes coming out from every angle and a machine to help you breathe, I almost lost it. My trembling hands gripped the edge of your bed for support as memories of you flood my mind...
...It was fall three years ago. I was at the AAIV fall retreat, and we were all gathered in the sanctuary singing and praising. My eyes were closed and I was doing my thing and worshiping, when suddenly, I hear this beautiful harmony coming out of nowhere. I thought Oh my gosh! It's amazing! An angel joined us in worship! So I turn around and look next to me, and I see... you, singing your heart out. After worship, everyone was giving each other hugs, so you turned around and gave me a hug. That was the first and last time. I think I almost melted.
Grace, that was the first lasting impression I had of you; this amazingly talented girl with a beautiful voice, passionatly giving all of her gifts and all of herself to worship God.
...We both lived in the dorms your freshman year. I wanted to worship, but I had no musical aptitude so I invited you to come over and lead spontaneous worship. We also invited a few of the freshman guys at the time to join us. We were the only ones singing and after a while, they left in the middle of a song. Maybe I was projecting my own awkwardness or uncomfortableness onto you. But looking back, when I looked at you, you were unphased. It didn't matter what othere people thought, you just kept on singing, even though it was just the two of us. Seeing you with your eyes closed and your heart set on eternity, I was inspired to sing my heart out as well.
I always felt unsure of myself, of my musical ability. I remember complaining to you about it before, and using that as an excuse for why I needed you to come lead.
"You have a strong voice." That was your response to me, and the only compliment you ever gave me about my voice. Looking back, you always told me how you appreciated my passion for God. That was the one consistant encouragement you gave me whether in person or through Christmas cards. I understand why, now. You were trying to teach me that true worship was not about music or lighting or even the words, but the heart. It was something I thought I always "knew," but I didn't really know until you patiently showed me.
[October 24, 2006]
Hisywchild (12:14:59 AM): you don't have
Hisywchild (12:15:02 AM): to know guitar
Hisywchild (12:15:04 AM): know how to sing well
Hisywchild (12:15:06 AM): to worship God
Hisywchild (12:15:10 AM): He delights in the heart
Hisywchild (12:15:25 AM): not how good you are.. or how good you sound
...
Hisywchild (12:42:30 AM): i'm just trying to remind you
Hisywchild (12:42:37 AM): that it's ok
Hisywchild (12:42:44 AM): and plus you don't have a bad voice
Hisywchild (12:42:46 AM): trust me
Hisywchild (12:42:48 AM): you sing in tune
Hisywchild (12:42:54 AM): and you hav ea strong voice
..."Kevin, your passion for God is really encouraging. Keep on rocking for Jesus!" I always shrugged it off when you said that because I thought it was just one of those things people say just to say. But I realize now that you meant it, and coming from you, it means a lot. Thank you for seeing the good in me, and always encouraging me towards what's most important.
...I remember the time you asked me if I had eaten yet, and invited me to join you for dinner. I enthusiastically agreed. I remember we had a really good conversation, and even as we walked back to my room, you kept telling me about your missions trip in China. I your description of the things you saw and the things you felt filled me with a sense of similar passion and fire, and you knew it. I was like an unlit match that got too close to a burning flame. I remember you responding, "That's great! Because I tell some people, and they're just like, 'ok...'"
...It was Chapter Focus Week 2007. I left large group in the middle of the sermon to pray. Walking out the back, I fell on my knees on the sandy beach. I knelt there for at least the next hour, crying out to God and asking for guidance on what I should do with you. It started to rain, but I stayed on my knees, waiting for a sign. Finally, I decided to walk back into the gathering room. What a sight I must have been! My hair was dripping wet. Sand covered my knees and shin. A cricket hopped off of one of my knees. It was then that you called me over, and we had a talk. I don't remember what we talked about, except at the very end when you asked me if I like-liked you. When I told you that I didn't, you seemed instantly relieved. I don't know if I felt happy or sad...
I'm sorry I wasn't fully honest with you. It took me a while to work up the courage, and by the time I finally did, it wasn't even applicable anymore. But I'm really glad that I dug up that old journal entry from April two years ago and gave it to you at chapter focus week this past summer:
"Have you ever met someone who, for whatever reason about them, you're heart just goes out to them; like, you feel for them, and you just feel moved with a compassion to love them? But then you get to know that person more, and you realize she's pretty amazing herself, and you're just completely astounded by what you see reflected in her- her passion to know God, the love, the unique beauty and glory that God created them be. And then the funny but not so funny, more like bittersweet irony, thing is that the harder you try to love that person, the more you realize you're lacking so much love yourself; that it was naive, funny, audacious even, to have ever assumed yourself to be complete enough in God's love that you can extend love to someone else? But then that shortcoming just makes you desire God's love even more. Everything about her either challenges you or inspires you to know God more, love God more, or need God more. Sometimes. Sometimes it hard, of course. Very hard. Hard like you just fell off a two-story-building and landed on your back hard. You try to encourage her, you try to love her, but the words never come out right, and you trip over everything you do. It's like catching a beautiful snowflake, and then watching it die in your hands. It's agonizing. So you figured you'll step back for a bit, and give her some space. Maybe until you catch your breath- because every time you see her she leaves you breathless- then you can try again. Suddenly you notice how odd it is that at any given point in time, you remember your last interaction with her in explicit detail. Then, as uncontrollably and as unwanted as pop-up windows from a free website, your brain starts re-running the situation over and over again, and coming up with a million ways that you could have said or done things better. It's all futile, you know, because the next time you see her or the next time she signs on AIM you'll either loose your cool or try so hard to keep cool that you freeze up. And then, she signs on aim. To IM her or not to IM her? That's the question. Sometimes you don't even know what to say; you're alive and she's alive and you both exist at the same time on God's green Earth, and that's good enough reason for you to celebrate. But that's not good enough of an excuse to IM her, so you don't. It's too soon, anyways. She'll think that you like-like her, and that'll make her run away. You respect and admire that- that she wants to stay single for God for now. Really, that's all you wanted in the first place- to be good friends with her, to love on her unconditionally without expecting anything. Everything else you feel is an inconvenience, a liability- one that can jeopardize your friendship with her. It's a thorn you cry out to God to pull from your side, but it's still there. Poor you. You didn't ask for this. You just wanted to be her friend. You just wanted to be a good Christian, and realize that you are so loved by God, and reach out to others with that same unconditional love...
...
You’d be happy just to be close friends. The Thorn is something you’d be willing to live with. But she’s unsure, and she doesn’t know that. And you can’t tell her, because you don’t know how, and whatever you say comes out wrong. You try to find the words to say, but you can’t, it’s more like you’re Paul who’s trying to describe something so amazing in his letters that it leaves him writing third grade run on sentences. You don't have the spiritual gift of apostleship or writing, apparently; but you want to be a better writer. And that's what writers do, they take indescribable feelings and make it into words, then they take those words and make them into better words...."
You were generous enough to reply in a facebook message. I treasure your response, even though some parts of it were hard:
"hey kevin
sorry it's taken me so long to get to type this
but i wanted to thank you for your letter- err journal entry(?) that you gave me during cedar. It was sweet, a little sappy, and at points brutally honest and though you never came out and said it and though you actually did not address me in your journal entry, i think it was clear enough, and thanks for finally answering my question honestly, even if it doesn't apply anymore. I really appreciate it
and i apologize for how i have hurt you... repeatedly
i am so sorry and it saddens me that i have
...
I told you that i wanted to be your friend because i did. But a friend isn't someone who just unconditionally loves you and pours out their entire self to you. because although you say you try to have unconditional love and expect nothing in return, i'm not entirely sure you understand exactly what unconditional love is, and you do expect something in return. I know this because you get hurt when you don't receive it in return. I would-i do too. and i felt bad when i didn't want to be forced into reciprocating what you were pouring out to me.
God has unconditional love towards us, but he gets hurt, angry, sad, when we don't love Him back. He was the one who created us- he knows every part of us, He formed us we SHOULD be in tune with him, and when we weren't, he was sad, he was angry, but he sent his Son to die for us. However, He did expect something in return- our recognition of who He is. We love Him like this because He is our creator."
Grace, your whole life was about worship. You reminded me that worship was not just about music, but about the heart. You showed me how to worship God in all areas of our lives, like in relationships. You taught me the reason why we worship; it is an appropriate response to who He is.
I couldn't help but think, maybe if you weren't an organ doner then they would have kept you on life support longer, giving more time for a miraculous recovery. But then I remembered the kind of person you were when you were alive; you would save up your hair for locks of love. Even in death, you give life to others. I can't help but wonder how many prayers God answered through you, for people who've been praying for their loved ones to recieve an organ.
I remember taking calc-based physics with you, even though I had never taken a calc class before. I never told you, but the truth was, I wanted to take that class just to be with you. My goal was to study so hard and do so well in that class that not only would I get an A, I would be able to help you in that class as well. Things didn't work out that way though, huh? We're both pretty stubborn, and I know I frustrated you a lot. I remember you saying that you stress easily, but the reason was because you wanted to do well and graduate on time. When I asked you why, you said it was because you made a commitment to God to serve for two years in China and you felt that time was running short. You finally made it through four years of hard work and PCAT exams, only for this to happen. At first I thought, what a waste... she's so young, talented, smart, beautiful, and passionate. She had so much potential, but it's all been wasted... But then I remembered the way you lived your life. To you, everything was about God, and you lived your life in worship of Him because you recognized that he was worth it all. You understood that Christ is worthy of our lives, and even of our deaths. You lived a life worthy of the calling, and you were faithful to the point of death. You understood that was what it truly meant to live life to the fullest, and I know that even now, you have no regrets. 
I heard that on Sunday, just before the incident, you were leading worship. How significant then, that you lead others to worship to the very end. You lead worship and showed me the meaning of worship when you were around. Even while dying, you brought me back to worship. To be honest, I haven't gone to church in a while and my prayer life was getting kind of dry. But when I heard what happend to you, I was reminded of the importance and power of prayer. I spent the first half of the night praying at your church before comming to the hospital to be by your side through the rest of the night. I don't think there has been a single moment that you had not been on my mind the past few days, and I never stoped praying for you when I thought of you. I thank you that even in dying, you reminded me of the importance of depending on God through prayer. In your life and even in dying, you lead me to worship, while you yourself lived and died worshiping. Your death is a powerful reminder of what your life was all about- the epitome of worship. Thank you, Grace Yu. I will not forget the things you have shown me in life and in death.
September15, 2009: Rest in peace, Grace Yu
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| Yesterday Tiffany and I went to the Shedd Aquarium. I haven't been inside since I was a very young. We went on the "behind the scenes" tour, where I I learned that they have their own microbiology lab there and their own pathology lab. They use microbio techniques for such things as monitoring the water content as well as identifying pathogenic bacteria. The pathologist I spoke to said that one of the first things they would do with a sample is administer a Gram stain, and then based on the results, continue with other tests to narrow down the identity of the microorganism before applying the proper treatment. I thought it was pretty cool seeing how microbiology was applied in the real world. I definitely felt that my microbiology class enhanced my appreciation of the tour. After our official tour, Tiffany continued to give me a "tour" of the rest of the aquarium. Even though we paid for full access to all of the Shedd, we spent all of the remainder of the day just in the Oceanarium (beluga whales) and Wild Reef (sharks) sections of the Shedd. The animals were all so amazing and we were so captivated that we decided to skip lunch even though we were both starving.
a beluga whale trainer and a beluga whale
smart critters, these belguas
I think these were some sort of mini-eels... they were sticking out of the sand
I'm a total nerd liked reading these info cards
Can you see how many fish are in this picture?
Ans: three
a magnificent swordfish, but it moved too fast for me to get a clear picture 
the underwater scenes were breath taking
the sharks moved pretty fast too so these pictures are blury
kind of looks like that scene from The Little Mermaid
This was the clearest picture of a shark that I got. I had to move the camera to perfectly match his speed
baby beluga whale and mommy beluga whale
the assembling of penguins
me and Tiffany
When they finally kicked us out of the Shedd, we were both starving. By some great luck, our 40 minute wait at Grand Lux Cafe turned into a 15 minute wait and we ended up with great seats by the window.  I had soo much fun yesterday, but was so tired by the end of the night that I just wiped out on the couch as soon as I got back to the appartment.
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